The Tea Ceremony

During introductions between a potential bride and groom there is always the main event: The Tea Ceremony in which the woman brings in Tea to the guests i.e. the prospective groom and his family. This ceremony has been much maligned but I think Tea Ceremonies are top.

I bring a big suitcase to build an obstacle course before the start of the Tea Ceremony. Amongst others there's the see-saw, road cone slalom, slippery lino, hoops (fire optional- avoid if she is wearing long dupatta, saree or long swinging ponytail we don't want a court case). At the end you check the level of tea spillage in the tray by pouring it into a measuring beaker. Note the amount of tea spilt; as you go to other Tea Ceremonies you will build a log of tea spillage amounts. Propose to the most skilful tea balancer as she will be calm under pressure, can probably balance home and work life too, enjoys challenges and most importantly respects tea. You can even take bets beforehand to add spice to the proceedings. You can add complexity by adding bonus points if the tea is brought in cups nicked from PIA flights.

It pays to do your homework, find out if the household favours the use of hostess trollies to serve tea before the ceremony. You may have to widen the see-saw and you could add other tests by bringing your own customised spikey wheeled trolley to re-enact Ben Hur.

Actually I’ve had introductions happen in my house, I wasn’t one of the people being introduced but my duty was to bring the tea. I counteracted the danger of feeling emasculated by wearing a really macho apron from which I cut off all the frills and had dyed black, on the front were stencilled words like “death”, “war”, “fast car”, “I love footie”, “city-slicker” and “big willy”. I think I got away with it, in fact I rather enjoyed it as it was a tea-serving job well done.