Drunk Presumption

Drunk woman: "Oh I know she's your friend and you really like her."
Me: "Yes I do."
Drunk woman: "Listen it aint gonna happen me dear as much as I want it to (repeated several times). I know you're her friend, you're a good friend but you and her aint gonna happen. I'm sorry"
Me: (visibly irritated now, shaking my head) "Yeah alright."

I walk away feeling, hmm I really need a pithy one-liner. I was pleased to walk away all the same though!

When English and Urdu just don't mix

Lady: "Meh errr...orthopaedic triage hoon."
Me: "Acha phir..... meh chalta hoon."

How to stop questions

Just say:

"All these questions flapping around me like bats- they make me cower. I am a black beautiful woman and that's it!"